No, you're not are you?
by Glinda
Summary: Sam went a bit wild in her teens. Her dad finds her a mentor. What if it was Jack? Warning: implied violence and abortion in later chapters
1. No, you're not are you?

Sam Carter was angry. Actually majorly pissed off covered it more adequately. But then she felt perfectly justified. She was 16 after all.slamming doors, sulking and screaming rows were practically compulsory.well maybe not the last bit but it wasn't her fault - not all the time anyway. Who was he to tell her SHE wasn't dealing properly with her mum's death.someone who'd buried himself in his work since her funeral had no right to criticise! It wasn't true what he'd said. She didn't blame him, or even the Air Force for her death anymore. She'd got over that a long time ago, but Mark did. And every time he put work before her and Mark the wedge between the two of them got deeper and wider. "ATTENTION SEEKER!" Well he was right about that. But someone had to do SOMETHING to get him home. Maybe she had been out of order. Maybe she shouldn't have stormed out like that. But no way was she going back for at least another couple of hours. He'd worry - but he deserved it. Lumping her with a mentor instead of actually facing up to their problems. Not that her 'mentor' was THAT bad. Just some poor airman on probation.how the hell could he know what she was going through?  
  
Captain Jack O'Neill (USAF) stared moodily into his beer. Well, that had been a humungeous success - not! He'd been rather looking forward to meeting this kid. Some angry delinquent boy.that'd be cool. But there'd been some mix up and he'd spent half the previous evening chatting to this blonde with incredibly intelligent blue eyes. He'd even started to forget why he was there until they'd found out why each other were there. The change in her was incredible. She'd gone from all smiles and slightly flirtatious friendliness to cold aggressive silence. Whatever was making her so angry it was serious and he had no idea how to help. What the hell did he have in common with a 16 year old girl who, despite clearly going off the rails at break-neck speed, still looked set to graduate top of class and two years early?  
  
She'd been walking for hours now, not really seeing where she was going. She looked around wondering where the hell she was. Great, she thought, I'm lost! Letting her feet guide her she kept walking and let her mind drift. She felt kinda bad for the way she'd acted. It wasn't his fault they'd been lumped together like that.stupid bloody Air Force.what did they have in common - nothing. Grrr! She felt the anger course through her veins. It was then that she saw him. Wandering along aimlessly glaring at the stars. She wondered briefly about fate, destiny and higher powers with bigger agendas before snorting derisively.there was no logic or deeper meaning to it. Things just happened - reflecting the chaos from which it came It didn't matter what you did in your life. the end was immutable.you died anyway. Evil always won and the good guys died far too young. She swallowed the lump in her throat and pushed away the involuntary thoughts of her mum. No, she would NOT cry! So caught up in her thoughts was she that she walked straight into her 'mentor'. Such was her momentum that she nearly sent them both flying. "Woah, there kid! I know you don't like me but that's no reason to try and kill me!" The sarcasm laden, Chicago accented voice of the man she'd collided with brought her back to reality with a bump and, as his words sank in, her grief condensed into anger. Pulling away from the out-flung arm that had stopped her fall she glared hostilely at him. "Don't call me 'kid'. I'm not a little kid anymore - I wish everyone would stop calling me that and treating me like one! I mean I'm 16! That's practically an adult." she ran down. He was just standing there. Watching her intently.taking in every detail of every expression on every feature of her face. No smart alec retort. No trade-mark sarcasm. Not even the obligatory 'well, maybe if you stopped acting like one' line. Nothing. He just stood there for a long moment letting the silence between them stretch out. For a fleeting moment she had the curious feeling that he could see through her skull and into her very being and strangely she didn't find it at all creepy.In fact she found herself wanting him to see all her flaws and tell her how to fix them. His probing gaze came to rest on her eyes and, so softly that but for the silence she would have missed it, he said sadly "No, you're not are you? Not anymore." She wanted to cry. God, she was going to cry. How dare he make her cry?! "Bastard" she spat. She intended to thump him senseless but found the anger disappearing into the great big pit of soul-crushing desire it usually hid and found her self able only swing her fists impotently against his chest and arms over and over repeating "shutupshutupshutupshutupshutup" over and over. Tears she'd never been able to let her self cry coursing down her face as she collapsed into his arms as he let her take comfort in him. Letting her for the first time in who knew how long, not have to be the adult. As he stroked her hair she clung to him desperately.knowing somehow that she could safely be a kid as long as he was holding her. She was safe there for as long as she needed to be. Safer than she'd been in a long time. 


	2. Stargazing

AUTHOR: Glinda  
  
TITLE: No, you're not are you.  
  
CATEGORY: angsty, past story, some present day action and romance in future chapters if my dear readers want it  
  
PAIRING: S/J - I'm a shipper so sue me! *panikaly* please don't!  
  
WARNING: Swearing, later maybe a little (not too much - couldn't bear to hurt my two favourites that bad! -) graphic violence  
  
DISCLAIMER: Not mine, don't own anything. Just a poor little uni student trying to stay sane by letting her imagination run wild. Not making any money.just doin this for fun! Plz don't sue!  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Oops, forgot about this bit last time! But consider it true for the last chapter and all - if any - subsequent ones. If you want more let me know. This is my first published so be gentle with me but point out where if going wrong! I live for feedback! If you want to publish it other places just let me know and send me a link - always on the lookout for more good fanfiction! (  
  
It was probably one of those things that would only ever happen once in his entire lifetime. He'd actually said the right thing. To the casual observer making her cry wouldn't appear to have been a smart move but one look in her eyes before she lost control and started sobbing into his shoulder had told him that he'd been right. Hoping desperately that his luck would hold out he decided to leave the thousands of questions racing through his mind on the back burner and concentrate on taking care of the young woman in his arms. He wasn't entirely sure why but he was suddenly over-whelmed by a wave of almost uncontrollable anger at whoever had hurt her so badly and a desire to take her in his arms and keep her safe from the world forever. And all the while desperately trying to avoid the questions spinning round in his head about why holding a girl 10 years his junior felt so damn right.  
  
Wow she'd needed that. Sam hadn't realised how long she'd been needing to cry till she started and now she couldn't stop. At first the release of letting out the pain she'd buried inside over the last pain had been good and just to be held by someone who didn't want anything in return.But now.It was just embarrassing. She was in serious danger of hyperventilating here and there was no way on earth she could think of to tell him this which wasn't intensely humiliating.  
  
Her breathing was getting seriously out of control. Shit! He thought I hope she doesn't have asthma! Okay, calm down. Cautiously he lifted his hand to her hair and slowly started to stroke it in time with his consciously deep breaths. She pulled back confusion written across her face. Breathe. He stated. Realisation dawned on her and she replaced her head on his shoulder and attempted to comply with his instructions, while he attempted to ignore the disturbing feeling of loss the absence of her head on his shoulder had caused.  
  
It was working. She'd never have believed him if he'd suggested it but it did. Not that she was about to let on. Focusing on his breathing was the single most relaxing thing she'd done in ages. She could quite happily have stayed in his arms forever. But all good things come to an end. Her mentor was untangling their arms. "You better?" not 'you ok' obviously he knew enough not to think she was fixed just like that but just how far, she wondered, would he push? "Yeah, a bit" she mumbled. Rubbing her face and speaking with false cheerfulness she continued "I suppose you wanna know what that was all about don't you?" "Do you want to tell me?" "I.well.not really.well, maybe.yes.umm.not right now?" He nodded gently "I'm right here if you need me" Need him?! He had no idea how accurate that statement had become in the space of 10 minutes. How had she managed to get so dependent in such a short time?! "Okay.do you think we could at least go and sit down somewhere before my knee collapses?!" "Umm.where?" Sam asked looking round the deserted neighbourhood she'd found herself in. "Just a little place I know.If you'd care to follow me madam!" He finished with an overly dramatic bow. She couldn't help but smile. And in a fit of whimsy added "But of course kind sir!"  
  
HALF AN HOUR LATER  
  
"You were right. Its beautiful here." "I've been all over this planet and no matter what wonders and horrors I see. No matter how much I think I've seen everything and done everything. I sit down here and I'm blown away by it every time. Its like perspective, you know, reminds me that with everything we do.We've barely even scratched the surface. There's so much more to do and see out there.sorry, I'm rambling but.do you have any idea what I'm on about?" "Suprisingly yeah, I do! I've always wanted to see them close up. To touch it to find out what makes it tick.Kids dream I suppose." "Not necessarily. I mean the closest I'm ever gonna get is a descent telescope! With you're brains? NASA'll be champing at the bit to get you on board!" "You might yet too" "With my service record? I wouldn't even bother applying.my CO'd just laugh.think it was just another of my numerous practical jokes at his expense! Snow balls have better chances surviving in HELL than I do of joining the Space Program" "I suppose. They set a lotta store by your service record don't they?" "Yup, they do. So don't you go giving any lip or stepping outta line or goin your own way just cos your orders feel wrong. Just follow orders and do as you're told and you'll have them eating outta your hand in no time." "What makes you think I'm even gonna join the Air Force. I don't know that I wanna I mean, for so long I've blamed it for all the problems between my dad and Mark.I don't think Mark'd ever forgive me.I don't."She was cut of by Jack's hand clamping across her mouth. He rolled over onto his stomach and looked at her intently before speaking. "Never mind about your Dad or Mark or doing the right or expected thing.what do you want? I mean really in your heart of hearts? What really matters to Samantha Carter, hmm?" "Being an astronaut. Its all I've ever wanted really." "Then isn't that worth telling the world 'sod off' I'll do things my way. If you don't like it FINE your problem not mine?" "This from the guy who not 5 minutes ago was telling me to keep to the straight and narrow?" "You have far too good a memory for your own good you know! Although.I'm sure that you could work that to your advantage! "What, you mean in 20 years time if I end up under your command I could use this conversation to bribe you into promoting me?!" "You implying that we won't still be friends in 20 years time?" "Well, you know, I hope we are but 20 years is a hell've a long time - especially in our line of work.anything could've happened!" They stared at each other for a long time after that both struggling with the pain of realising just how much they'd hate to loose what - whatever it was - that they'd just found. Sam shuffled round till her head was laying on his chest comfortably. "Let's hope not" murmered Jack moving his arm round her to hold her a little closer and slide his hand into hers. "Lets hope not" echoed Sam quietly squeezing his hand. Sleep descended like a warm blanket on the pair of them as they lay sprawled on Jack's roof staring at the stars and trying not to think of what the future might hold for them. "Don't leave me" Sam whispered sleepily. "Wild horses kid, wild horses."  
  
Well? Do you like? Want some more adventures for this pair? Just let me know and I'll bang it out.stops them running around my head in lectures making a nuisance of themselves! ( 


	3. Memories are made of this

AUTHOR: Glinda  
  
TITLE: No, you're not are you.  
  
CATEGORY: angsty, past story, some present day action and romance in future chapters if my dear readers want it  
  
PAIRING: S/J - I'm a shipper so sue me! *panikaly* please don't!  
  
WARNING: Swearing, later maybe a little (not too much - couldn't bear to hurt my two favourites that bad! -) graphic violence  
  
DISCLAIMER: Not mine, don't own anything. Just a poor little Uni. student trying to stay sane by letting her imagination run wild. Not making any money.just doin this for fun! Plz don't sue!  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Oops, forgot about this bit last time! But consider it true for the last chapter and all - if any - subsequent ones. If you want more let me know. This is my first published so be gentle with me but point out where if going wrong! I live for feedback! Ooh and plus I think it can also be an answer to Challenge 1,765 on Heliopolis so I'll send it there when its complete. If you want to publish it other places just let me know and send me a link - always on the lookout for more good fanfiction! (  
  
Sam Carter looked herself up and down critically in the mirror. She'd do. Locking her bedroom door from the inside and leaving a tape looping she opened the window and climbed out into the tree that was her gateway to freedom. She had to admit that this was far easier to do than in her usual Saturday night outfit. Despite the jeans, trainers, non-descript T- shirt and whole lack of make-up, there was a thrill in her stomach breaking the whole grounded thing hadn't given her in years. She jumped down, dodged out of sight till she was round the corner, then set off at a run towards the familiar pick-up waiting at the end of the road. Waiting for her. She smiled.  
  
Jack bathed in the flow of that 1000-watt smile of Sam's as she got in and it lit up his truck. He had no idea how she managed it but the depression, cynicism and downright destructiveness that had become second nature to him since he joined special ops had faded into the background since he met her. He'd done a lot of things in his life he wasn't proud of, seen more he wished he could forget and made decisions in the field he'd rather not have to live with but did all the same. And she understood. As much as someone who'd never been in combat or stared down the barrel of a gun into someone's eyes and pulled.well that wasn't entirely true. She had done that. She should never have had to but she'd done what had to be done. Because he couldn't. The whole lying bleeding on the floor thing had somewhat hindered him.  
  
FLASHBACK - 5 YEARS PREVIOUSLY  
  
He'd just walked into the drugstore on a whim to pick up a few things he needed before heading back to the base. He'd only just made it before closing time. Two guys in balaclavas walked in and held up the shop. There'd been 5 maybe 6 customers in the entire shop. He'd been in the aisle next to the counter when they'd burst in. The girl on the till had stared down the gun and nearly fainted, but held on and opened the till. Next thing he knew the guy with the gun was yelling obscenities at her. Turned out the manager had just left to take the safe to the bank and all the poor girl left in charge could give him was the till float. By now the girl was sobbing hysterically and the gunman was pretty pissed off. He needed a hostage fast. Jack had surreptitiously moved to block the guy's view of the young girl standing by the sleeping pills but was too late. The gunman lost it and started firing randomly at customers. Jack spun round swung the girl off her feet and threw them both to the ground rolling them out of the line of fire behind a stack of.something. He'd opened his mouth to speak only to hear her mutter "I know, I know: play dead!" "Good girl", had been all he could mutter through the bullet he'd taken in his side. Ignoring the pain he'd slowly risen to his haunches to gauge his chances of overpowering the gunmen, only to have the girl grab his wrist and whisper "Don't be a hero - he's a maniac without a safety catch!" He'd simply nodded his understanding - this guy had intended to kill at least one person no matter the outcome - and muttered something about just doing his job. As the gunman moved down the aisle Jack had sneaked up behind him and disarmed him, thanking his special ops training for teaching him how to knock someone out first try with his bare hands. As the gun fell from the hand of the now unconscious robber it scooted across the linoleum towards the young girl who - thankfully - had followed his instruction and was faking death in a pool of blood. He panicked for a moment about the poor kid being injured till the pain in his side reminded him it was his. Taking advantage of his momentary distraction the other robber - who'd watched Jack drop his companion in horror started firing his revolver madly an - luckily for Jack - wildly inaccurately. He mentally counted how many the second had used. One in the ceiling when they walked in, two in the shelves on either side of him, one made something on the shelf explode - causing the girl on the floor to involuntarily flinch - one in his arm and the other in his shoulder. As he collapsed to his knees he mouthed "6 down none to go - run!" before blacking out. The last thing he saw was her arm reach out and pull the gun under her. When he awoke the first man had recovered and was swaggering towards her saying "I know you're alive I saw you move there" he knew that tone of voice.he'd heard it too many times when he'd fallen into enemy hands. It was the kind that you hoped for if you wanted to get out alive - it was the voice of a madman. Someone who wanted to prolong his power over you for as long as possible putting off the moment of death till he'd grown bored. How did that adage go "if you have to stare down the barrel of the gun the wrong way pray you face a madman for a good man".a good man what.he couldn't remember. It was hard enough trying to stay conscious. "Get up" it snarled. The young girl rose calmly bringing up the gun she'd hidden below her and said coolly "I don't think you're in any position to start making demands here. Cos the way I see it your guns empty - mine still has ammo. I suggest you get you're scrawny asses out of here before I waste it on you." Snort from the arrogant maniac "there's only one bullet left" Deadpan "I'll only need one shot." The gunman made to turn away then swung back to thump her one and she fired. He dropped to the ground and his companion fled. Jack looked up at the girl and the image of her horrified eyes as she stared from the gun in her hands to the man at her feet to him etched itself permanently on his memory. Struggling into a sitting position he'd pulled himself over to her and she'd let him wrap his arms round her as she'd collapsed to the floor sobbing. He'd looked appealingly at the girl on the desk hoping desperately that she'd not seen. She'd walked up and gently said "He started firing you threw yourself over the girl to protect her. He walked up to finish the job, you tried to disarm him and the gun went off accidentally killing him" He murmured "thank-you" while rocking the young girl gently in his arms remembering the rest of the adage "pray you never face a good man, for a good man will kill you with hardly a word".  
  
END OF FLASHBACK  
  
The girls he dated were.like whiskey.simply a way to block the pain and feel more than a soldier. But he, she made him feel more alive than he had in years. Since he'd been back on active duty he'd been consciously trying to 'do the right thing' - it was gonna get him into trouble but it was something he had to do. She was such a faithless person - she could almost match him blow for blow in the cynicism and sarcasm stakes - yet after that first night they'd fallen asleep stargazing she'd developed this - for want of a better expression - unspoken faith in him. He'd never been anything but honest with her - dammit, she knew everything about his life that wasn't classified: and a few things that were. She knew he was no angel, but she believed that underneath it all it didn't matter whether or not he was a good person - the important thing was that he was trying to be. So he tried. It was hellishly hard and he seemed to be failing constantly, but it was worth it. He nodded firmly to himself: the pride shining out of those crystal clear blue eyes when he'd pulled off that rescue and got his demotion reversed would keep him warm on desert nights for years to come. "Just thinking" he replied to her questioning look. Maybe he'd never be a proper her, but every time he pulled her back from the brink or saved her from herself he knew that being HER hero was worth more than all the medal, commendations or promotions in the world. It was the least he could do for the girl who'd not only probably saved his life but who saved his soul every single day.  
  
Sam wondered what really went on behind those chocolate brown eyes of his. A helluva lot more than he let on, that, she was sure of. The truck stopping outside the arena interrupted her train of thought. As she got out of the truck Jack leaned in the back and pulled out a hockey sweater which he chucked at her "so you don't freeze in there!" She wrinkled her nose in mock disgust before pulling it on grinning. It'd become a running joke between them, given her tendency to 'forget' to return them till the following day. She hoped that he just presumed she liked ice hockey more than she let on - and that he never noticed the pattern. She only 'forgot' before he was scheduled to leave so that she could pretend he was holding her when he was halfway across the world. And sleep contently wrapped up in his smell. She scolded herself that she was a pathetic little High Schooler with a crush.but that didn't stop her taking comfort in it whenever she could.  
  
Well? What do you think? A tad longer.got a little out of my control there.but I'm pulling an all nighter cos my muse is in the building so.there may be more before the morning comes (its 3am here)! :D 


	4. Everything is Wonderful!

AUTHOR: Glinda  
  
TITLE: No, you're not are you.  
  
CATEGORY: angsty, past story, some present day action and romance in future chapters if my dear readers want it  
  
PAIRING: S/J - I'm a shipper so sue me! *panicky* please don't!  
  
WARNING: Swearing, later maybe a little (not too much - couldn't bear to hurt my two favourites that bad! -) graphic violence  
  
DISCLAIMER: Not mine, don't own anything. Just a poor little Uni. student trying to stay sane by letting her imagination run wild. Not making any money.just doin this for fun! Plz don't sue! The song is Wonderful by Everclear and if I could write music like this then I'd be a pro musician not a struggling journo!  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Okay this chapter and the next one have been edited to make more sense - I hope! Hope you like! And remember! I live for feedback! Hope this format works better paragraph wise - see, I do listen! Ooh and plus I think it can also be an answer to Challenge 1,765 on Heliopolis so I'll send it there when its complete. If you want to publish it other places just let me know and send me a link - always on the lookout for more good fanfiction! (  
  
#Close my eyes when I get too sad, I think thoughts that I know are bad#  
  
Sam stared intently at the wall opposite her, trying desperately to block out (a) the sounds of her Dad and Mark's bile-filled argument from downstairs and (b) how much she missed Jack. She wrapped the Hockey sweater she'd pinched from him last time he was home tighter about her, breathed in his comforting scent, screwed up her eyes and attempted to close her ears.  
  
#I hear them scream, I hear them fight. They say bad words that make me wanna cry#  
  
Sometimes it scared her how dependant on him she'd become recently, but, she rationalise, it was probably because he was her only refuge.  
  
#close my eyes and count to ten, hope its over when I open them#  
  
When things went wrong who else could she turn to? Her Mum was dead. Her Dad and Mark alternated from sullen silence to complaining about each other. Her friends? The guys were sympathetic but unintentionally insensitive. The girls didn't want to hear anything that disturbed their perfect shallow little worlds. It was 'cool' to be 'having issues' just so long as you didn't actually talk about it. So she shoved them to the back of her head and got on with passing classes and making her Dad's life hell.  
  
#I laugh a lot so my friends won't know, that when the bell rings I just don't wanna go home#  
  
The shouting had stopped with the slamming of doors. Sam crept downstairs and stood in the kitchen doorway and watched her Dad sitting at the table with his head in his hands.  
  
"I'm fine Sam"  
  
"Keep telling yourself that."  
  
*sigh* "What am I supposed to do?"  
  
"Try actually admitting something's wrong!" that sarcasm of Jack's was definitely starting to wear off onto her.  
  
#I don't know how you can smile with all those tears in your eyes when you tell me everything is wonderful#  
  
"Like what?!"  
  
#Promises mean everything when you're little and the world's so big# So softly she was almost inaudible, "that you miss her too."  
  
"Of course I do."  
  
"You never say."  
  
"Its hard,"  
  
"And." She crouched down beside him to catch his eyes and the pain in them took her breath away.  
  
"It hurts.sometimes so much it feels like I could just die inside.you think you love someone.but you never really understand how till you loose them"  
  
She gave a small smile before confirming, "that'd do," taking his hand in hers briefly "it's hard for us too and we're not kids anymore would it be so bad if you just talked to us?"  
  
#I don't want to hear you say that I will understand some day#  
  
He looked down at her SO hopefully "We'll be fine, won't we?!" but she couldn't bear to lie to him, so she got up and walked across the room to the door.  
  
"Maybe."  
  
"Sam?" He could probably guess where she wanted to go, but she answered him anyway. "Yeah?"  
  
"Why do you spend so much time with him.I mean he's not even your mentor anymore?" Killer question there dad! She took a deep breath before answering as gently as possible, "because he never tries to tell me that."  
  
"Tell you what?" The silence stretched between them as their eyes met and their stares fought for dominance.  
  
#Some days I hate everything, everyone and everything#  
  
"That everything's wonderful.he just makes me believe that someday it just might be." She concluded quietly as she headed back to her room, leaving him in stunned silence.  
  
"Sam" she sighed to herself but still stopped at the foot of the stairs.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
#I don't want to hear you tell me everything is wonderful now#  
  
"He's back from.God knows where.this afternoon. Broke his wrist or something.got some leave coming up that strangely corresponds with your mid- term break." she was back in the doorway by this time and he shrugged non- commitally "what?" She smiled.  
  
"Thanks Dad."  
  
"Pleasure kid."  
  
2 HOURS LATER  
  
"How's the wrist?"  
  
"Fine, how's things at home?"  
  
"Fine."  
  
"Yeah right!"  
  
"No, seriously."  
  
"Uh huh!"  
  
"Everything's just bloody wonderful!"  
  
"That good, eh?!"  
  
Derisive snort "He's trying you know, just."  
  
Knowing smile "making the effort with you not Mark. My dad had this theory that every parent screws up at some point with their kids.so you have lots so you can learn from your mistakes and eventually you'll get it right, cos you'll have worked out the perfect formula by then.of course he'd always contradict himself at that point my remembering that every kid is different and no you know what, well, YOU say 'you need the exception to prove the rule'.never really understood that phrase.but the point is.he probably reckons that things are pretty much irreparable so he figures if he's gonna put himself out there to get hurt then he's better doing it for the one who actually seems to want to fix things with him. Probably makes sense to him somewhere. You're looking at me strangely - I'm babbling please make me shutup!" Sam curled further up on the sofa beside him leant on his shoulder and stared up at him in mild awe. For all he claimed to be thicker than several short planks he never ceased to amaze her with the wisdom and insight he so often threw her way.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"What for?"  
  
She gave him a small contented smile: "just, you know."  
  
"Oh, that, anytime!" She smiled as the sarcasm re-emerged in defence of that fragile heart of his.  
  
"Always be my friend."  
  
His voice was serious again as he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead: "Always."  
  
#please don't tell me everything is wonderful now# 


	5. Its not easy

AUTHOR: Glinda  
  
TITLE: No, you're not are you.  
  
CATEGORY: angsty, past story, some present day action and romance in future chapters if my dear readers want it  
  
PAIRING: S/J - I'm a shipper so sue me! *panicky* please don't!  
  
WARNING: Swearing, later maybe a little (not too much - couldn't bear to hurt my two favourites that bad! -) graphic violence  
  
DISCLAIMER: Not mine, don't own anything. Just a poor little Uni. student trying to stay sane by letting her imagination run wild. Not making any money.just doin this for fun! Plz don't sue! The song is Its not Easy (Superman) by Five for Fighting if I remember correctly and if I could write music like this then I'd be a pro musician not a struggling journo!  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Okay this chapter and the last one have been edited to make more sense - I hope! Hope you like! And remember! I live for feedback! Hope this format works better paragraph wise - see, I do listen! Ooh and plus I think it can also be an answer to Challenge 1,765 on Heliopolis so I'll send it there when its complete. If you want to publish it other places just let me know and send me a link - always on the lookout for more good fanfiction! (  
  
#I can't stand to fly, I'm not that naïve  
  
Jack stared out at the desert below him as his team flew out on yet another mission in yet another faceless warzone. Thinking of someplace else. "Ground Control to Major O'Neill! Earth to Planet Girlfriend!", laughter from the rest of the guys. If only it were his girlfriend.  
  
"Shut-up Kawalsky", of course Charlie knew damn well that it wasn't the current airhead that he was "finding release in" that filled his thoughts - but a certain comatose 18 year old.  
  
"That's more like it." the guys went back to their conversations and his second in command leaned forward to mutter "what's with you anyway?"  
  
# I'm just out to find, The better part of me#  
  
Jack just shook his head, shrugged and muttered in a barely audible voice "I miss her."  
  
"Yeah, and that much is SO not obvious.she'll get better you know! She'll wake up and slag you off for worrying about her." He shook his head "She's changed you, you know?"  
  
"How?!" he was worried: was he slipping up, distracted what?  
  
"Dunno, just little things, good things I guess. You look out for the rest of us more. If you think our orders are a load of bollocks then you'll say so. You're more driven than you used to be.if 6 months down the line I'm sitting here next to Colonel Jack O'Neill.well I won't be in the least bit surprised."  
  
"I'm just trying to do the right thing."  
  
"You are Jack."  
  
#I'm more than a bird.I'm more than a plane#  
  
"Answer me this. Do you think there really are heroes.you know is there ultimate good and evil stuff?"  
  
"Dunno. I guess, maybe. It's not something I've ever really thought about."  
  
"I mean what if there isn't some," he waved his arms about frustratedly, "some higher power, fate whatever.what if.its all just some big cosmic screw-up. End of the world comes 'Oh, sorry guys' turns out we're fighting for the wrong side all along. What if everything isn't worth it in the long run?!"  
  
#Wish that I could cry, Fall upon my knees#  
  
"Boy its really got to you hasn't it!"  
  
#Find a way to lie, About a home I'll never see#  
  
He gave a non-committal shrug "Maybe?"  
  
#It may sound absurd, but don't be naïve, even heroes have the right to bleed#  
  
"Look Jack, all I know if.stuff happens. We don't know, why we just cope with it the best we can you know. Maybe there isn't some great masterplan or a correct way to live your life.truth is: we'll never know. It's the same with the hero thing. Who do we think of as heroes? Mythical guys did heroing as a career. These days heroes are astronauts and firemen - just guys doing their jobs. We just do the best we can with what we've got and hope for the best. Maybe that's all that really matters in the end."  
  
#I may be disturbed.but won't you concede, Even Heroes have the right to dream#  
  
"Yeah you're probably right."  
  
"Course I am.you ready to do this?"  
  
"As I'll ever be.Right guys! Lets go kick some serious ass out there!"  
  
#Up, up and away.away from me, It's all right.You can all sleep sound tonight  
  
I'm not crazy.or anything.#  
  
"You realise we've spent FAR too much time around that kid.we're even beginning to think like her!"  
  
"Oh no Kawalsky.we've got nothing on her!"  
  
#Only a man in a funny red sheet, Looking for special things inside of me#  
  
"Yeah, I know. She'll be out there saving OUR asses someday won't she?"  
  
"I'd lay good money on it!"  
  
"Damn!"  
  
#It's not easy to be me# 


	6. Waking In Safety

AUTHOR: Glinda  
  
TITLE: No, you're not are you.  
  
CATEGORY: angsty, past story, some present day action and romance in future chapters if my dear readers want it  
  
PAIRING: S/J - I'm a shipper so sue me! *panicky* please don't!  
  
WARNING: Swearing, later maybe a little (not too much - couldn't bear to hurt my two favourites that bad! -) graphic violence  
  
SEASON: They haven't shown past season 4 in the UK (at least on terrestrial tele) so.no spoilers past.The Light as that's as far as I've seen!  
  
DISCLAIMER: Not mine, don't own anything. Just a poor little Uni. student trying to stay sane by letting her imagination run wild. Not making any money.just doin this for fun! Plz don't sue!  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Be gentle it's my first! If you want more let me know. Hope you like the repairs to the last two chapters.I read them over the other day and went argh crap! They're nonsensical in bits! Hope this is better! I think the paragraph problem remains but its not my fault - honest! - the Internet brings up something completely from what's on my screen when I up- load it and not even consistently! Ooh and plus I think it can also be an answer to Challenge 1,765 on Heliopolis so I'll send it there when its complete. If you want to publish it other places just let me know and send me a link - always on the lookout for more good fanfiction! (  
  
Jack stared silently at the girl lying deathly still in front of him. 'Girl'. It wasn't a word he'd ever have used about her before but now.lying there unconscious on a hospital bed she looked so young and vulnerable.He'd never admit it but it was tearing him apart inside. On the surface he was fine - naturally concerned about the young girl he'd mentored.after all she did seem to have had a dramatically positive effect on him. But on the inside.He shifted uncomfortably in his seat - why make hospital seats so uncomfortable when you knew people were gonna be sat in them for so long, definitely a bureaucrat or an accountant or possibly both - and wished he believed in something he could pray to.  
  
Jacob Carter watched the young soldier keeping watch over his daughter. Despite the chair -he'd spent enough time in infirmaries waiting for team mates to wake up to know ALL about their logic defying hardness - the steady beep of the heart monitor, rasp of the respirator and blup of the drip had lulled him to sleep. It always amazed him how tense and care- worn Jack looked even asleep - and he'd had plenty of opportunities to observe him these last couple of weeks - and a mental note to ask Sam if he looked like that when he got.Jacob mentally he kicked himself - the way things were going Sam would probably never be there when he got home again. Looking carefully he realized Jack looked less tense tonight, his relaxed features making him look barely older than Sam.shifting his gaze to his daughter he realized delightedly that she was breathing on her own. Her eyes were open and she was messing up her sleeping ex-mentor's hair with a small smile on her face. She looked up and beckoned him over pressing a finger to her lips and indicating Jack. "I get the feeling he hasn't been getting enough of that recently! I sent the nurse off to find you but."  
  
"I think if one more person asks the 'brother or boyfriend' question he'll hit them.or I will!"  
  
Jacob felt a pang of concern as Sam's muted mirth forced her to take a few deep breaths from her oxygen mask. She smiled ruefully up at him.  
  
"Guess I'm not out of the woods yet!"  
  
"Do you remember what happened?"  
  
"I remember walking home from school, saying bye to Mandy, turning the corner and then.someone grabbing me from behind and seeing.someone.before they cracked me over the head with something. Must have been heavy - Jack said I was out for nearly 6 weeks!"  
  
"Yeah, he came back early from a mission and thought he'd come see you. He dropped something and had to nick into the alley to get it and saw you lying out cold in a pile of spilled trash cans."  
  
"I remember waking up and hurting everywhere. And Jack was patting my arms and legs.you know the way you get taught in first aid to check for breakages while doing the minimum amount of damage? He said something about it being ok and he'd take me somewhere safe.I can't remember what I said to that but he smiled and then.I passed out again. Next thing I know I'm in hospital with a 6 week gap in my memory!"  
  
"Comes from being in a coma!"  
  
"I guess."  
  
"This probably isn't the best time to ask but do you remember what the guy looked like at all."  
  
"GREEN EYES! He had freakishly bright green eyes! I'd know them anywhere!" she shuddered "I don't think I could forgot if I tried." She seemed confused and disturbed by the emotions brought forth by that memory. He ignored the question in her eyes pleading him for an explanation he had no idea how to give and wished desperately there was a way she wouldn't have to know what that sick feeling in her stomach really was. She was a smart girl, pretty soon she'd work it out for herself if someone didn't tell her. She had to be told.but not by him. There were some things a father should never have to say to his daughter.  
  
  
  
~ Okay, I know it ends a bit abruptly but I think you can guess what's happened and I hope I don't have to spell it out for you. Does this still fufill the whole rating I gave it bit.I'm not really familiar with American ratings so let me know if its not! I've written the last couple of chapters.just need to fill in the gaps for you guys. ( 


	7. Driving With The Brakes On

AUTHOR: Glinda  
  
TITLE: No, you're not are you.  
  
CATEGORY: angsty, past story, some present day action and romance in future chapters if my dear readers want it  
  
PAIRING: S/J - I'm a shipper so sue me! *panicky* please don't!  
  
WARNING: Swearing, later maybe a little (not too much - couldn't bear to hurt my two favourites that bad! -) graphic violence  
  
SEASON: They haven't shown past season 4 in the UK (at least on terrestrial tele) so.no spoilers past.Prodigy as that's as far as I've seen!  
  
DISCLAIMER: Not mine, don't own anything. Just a poor little Uni. student trying to stay sane by letting her imagination run wild. Not making any money.just doin this for fun! Plz don't sue! The song isn't mine either dunno who wrote it but probably one of the numerous passing thru members of Del Amitri.the songs called 'Driving with the Brakes on'  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Be gentle it's my first! If you want more let me know. Hope you like. The song inspired this particular plot twist as I'd wanted to write something around this song for ages and when this story started to come together the rest just flowed. Ooh and plus I think it can also be an answer to Challenge 1,765 on Heliopolis so I'll send it there when its complete. If you want to publish it other places just let me know and send me a link - always on the lookout for more good fanfiction! (  
  
3 MONTHS LATER  
  
Jack found her sitting curled up on the bed of a motel room somewhere in Minnesota. She'd phoned him from the callbox outside the gas station next door. He stopped at the door the guy on the desk had told him and contemplated knocking. It would've been a pointless gesture if what both her Dad and the guy on the desk told him was true. After weeks of running, never staying in the same place for more than a couple of days, she'd only come out of the room once in the last 12 days. He opened the door and surveyed the room cautiously. Since she'd made her rather dramatic exit nearly 2 months ago Sam had been pretty easy for Jack to track. You didn't need Black Ops training to follow a 'messed up blonde girl, drinking heavily and trashing her room before moving on.' She'd known he'd come. All she had to do was call. It worked both ways. Unsure whether they loved or hated it they simply ignored it. There was nothing to acknowledge. Yeah Jack, he thought, and denial's a river in Egypt!  
  
Sam stared vacantly out the window of Jack's truck.  
  
# Driving through the long night #  
  
He'd known what she wanted from him from the moment she told him about that little 'legacy' from her kidnapping. But he couldn't. It was her life, her body. This whole situation had been about her not having any choice in events and he couldn't..no, he WOULDN'T do that. Taking the choice away from her would make him as bad as her kidnapper. He would NOT abuse the, not inconsiderable, influence he had on her either way. Much as he longed to take away the responsibility from her he couldn't bare the thought of her hating him for it. And she would, eventually; no matter which way he went with it. They'd argued of course, fought was actually a more accurate description, there'd been tears, tantrums, sulking and confessions but in the end she knew he was right. He hoped.  
  
# Trying to figure who's right and who's wrong #  
  
It hadn't exactly been an easy decision for her to make. Hell it wouldn't be an easy decision for two adults to make - let alone one already majorly traumatised teenager.  
  
# Now the kid has gone. #  
  
He thought about Charlie and got a sick feeling in his stomach. He'd always thought that he'd never be able to understand, let alone condone someone doing what she'd done, but he couldn't judge her for it. How could he? She was barely more than a child herself. A scared little girl with a stellar bright future ahead of her. A future that had so nearly been stolen from her. How could he blame her?  
  
# And I might be more of a man if I stopped this in it's tracks And said, come on, let's go home. #  
  
He should take her back now. Back to her Dad and older brother. Home. But the mere mention of the place seemed to scare her. If he thought about it logically, she needed her support system. But whenever he looked at her he knew that logic had absolutely buggerall to do with this situation. He looked at the road-sign ahead.  
  
"Detroit or Denver?" Crunch time - was she ready to go home yet?  
  
#But she's got the wheel, And I've got nothing except what I have on. #  
  
"Chicago? You're always telling me about growing up in the windy city.be nice to actually see it with a native! You can give me the 10cent tour?"  
  
"Fine, but I'm going to have to make a stop on the way." Off her look "I can't exactly go to Chicago and not visit my Mom can I?!"  
  
"Can I come too?"  
  
"Wasn't giving you a choice in the matter!"  
  
"I'd like that."  
  
"Good. So'd she!"  
  
#When you're driving with the brakes on When you're swimming with your boots on#  
  
With her feet pulled up in front of her on the car seat, she looked tiny, drowning in his old hockey sweater. It looked battered and filthy.but then she'd pretty much worn it constantly since she got out of hospital according to her Dad. It just reinforced those words that neither of them dared say. It couldn't be true.it was wrong. But the fear that kept up their silence had nothing to do with a ten year age-gap.and everything to do with fear, not so much that feelings wouldn't be reciprocated - as that they would be.  
  
#It's hard to say you love someone And it's hard to say you don't #  
  
Part of him told him that he shouldn't be here. He should be several thousand miles away on some mission, longing to get home to Sara and Charlie. This was probably going to get him court-marshaled.no way her Dad would've let him go after her if he'd known Jack was AWOL. But he couldn't ignore her call. She'd needed him so he'd gone. He'd needed to be there. To hold her. To make her feel safe.to somehow make up for not protecting her from that utter BASTARD who was in serious danger of ruining her life. He glanced across at Sam. She looked so beautiful and innocent sitting there..till she turned her head languidly towards him and forced a watery smile in his direction and he saw her eyes.  
  
# She shuts up the ashtray, and I say it's a long way back now Hon, She just yawns. #  
  
If he'd thought her eyes had seen too much pain when they first met.He reached across and smudged a tear off her cheek with a small half smile and noted with relief that she didn't flinch. She trusted him.alone in the world she believed he was no threat to her. It blew him away - even the staff at the clinic had said that though most girls in her 'situation' flinched from physical contact, her aversion was particularly strong - to everyone but him. He always seemed to turn up at the worst times in her life - you'd think she hate him.but no. Not her.  
  
# Trying to keep the mood right, trying to steer the conversation from  
  
The thing we've done. #  
  
"How long do you think we'll last?"  
  
"Depends when the next soul destroying disaster comes along kid"  
  
"I wish you weren't right about this."  
  
"So do I. But look at us.we're willing to sacrifice everything we care about just to be there when each other needs us! We cut all ties, we don't call or write or keep photos.we forget, we move on. Or we'll never be able to have proper functioning relationships with anyone else..Its gonna be hell isn't it?"  
  
"Living. But you know if it gets really, really bad like.. I dunno.."  
  
"This bad?"  
  
"Yes. Unless we're having a moment comparative to this one, we don't make contact. We'd don't even acknowledge that we used to know each other if we run into each other. It's the only way.. and God knows if wish it wasn't, but from know on."  
  
"Tomorrow Sam..I think we need each other too much tonight to make it now." She slid across the seat, wrapping her arms round his waist, resting her head on his shoulder and offering her near empty glass before finishing.  
  
"To our last tomorrow?"  
  
Jack took a last look at her bathed in the light of the stoplight and smiled. Taking a slurp from her glass, he pressed a tender kiss to her forehead before adding his whispered affirmation.  
  
"To our last tomorrow."  
  
# But unless the moon falls tonight, unless continents collide,  
  
Nothing's gonna make me, break from her side #  
  
~ Long awaited, but hope it satisfies! This is really where the idea for the story came from so I hope you guys like! Del Amitri are an obscure Scottish group and there stuff is really quite depressing.in an uplifting sort of way. Helps if you listen to their stuff when its raining - what can I say, I'm Scottish! - plug, plug! Thanx for the reviews guys (or more accurately girlz!) keep em coming if you want more! Mae! Tried to send you the last chapter - that you said wouldn't load - but your mailbox rejected it - twice! Hope you get this eventually! 


	8. Seperate Lives

AUTHOR: Glinda

TITLE: No, you're not are you.

CATEGORY: angsty, past story, some present day action and romance in future chapters if my dear readers want it

PAIRING: S/J – I'm a shipper so sue me!

WARNING: Swearing, a little (not too much – couldn't bear to hurt my two favourites that bad!) graphic violence

SEASON: Before the series but after the movie

SPOILERS: The Movie, The First Commandment

DISCLAIMER: Neither the song or the characters are mine. Merely borrowed for the benefit of the story. No money is being made from them

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Be gentle it's my first! If you want more let me know. Hope you like. Finally continued this one…Its sort of pre-series & post-movie! Sam's just broken up with Jonas…dredged up Jack's number and telephoned him drunkenly to talk. Jack's thoughts on the path that her life's taken since he last saw her. He's not long back from Abydos and Sara's gone. Ooh and plus I think it can also be an answer to Challenge 1,765 on Heliopolis so I'll send it there when it's complete. Oh yeah and I nicked some of the actual dialogue from the episode so muchus gratius to and the stargate compendium for that. If you want to publish it other places just let me know and send me a link – always on the lookout for more fanfiction!

It's not been the best of years for Jack. First loosing Charlie and sinking into that bottomless pit of depression, then the whole life defining experience of the Abydos mission. And leaving the man who'd literally saved him from himself on an alien planet with no way home: even if that was what Jackson had wanted. Then coming home determined to fix things with Sara, understanding that even though they could never go back they might just be able to move forward: only to find that she'd gone. And now the message on his Answering machine was the last thing he'd needed.

He'd walked into his house that evening to find it flashing at him. Which was rare in itself.

# You called me from the room in your hotel #

An all too familiar voice echoed through the quiet room. Rough with alcohol and tears, faint music in the background. Pain assailed Jack like a sandstorm. He could hear the catch in her voice as she babbled about something.

"I'm so sorry bout this"

"Calling you at home – out the blue."

"I just . . .needed to talk to you."

"You know, I've had your number for months. I found it by accident and I just – kept it. Since then: I've tried to call but I never get to the last digit. I always stop myself. You know me! God forbid I should admit that I need someone!"

"I have to get drunk to actually get up the courage to do that – talk about twisted forms of Dutch courage, huh?"

God! She was completely wrecked.

#All full of romance for someone that you met #

"I mean that's what always wrecks things with my relationships isn't it?"

"It's like I'm drawn to increasingly fucked up people just so I can feel like I'm semi normal!"

"I mean, how pathetic is that?!"

"I have to fix people."

"Like if I fix them enough I'll find out how to fix me too."

#And telling me how sorry you were, leaving so soon #

"You don't need to worry tho."

"This is the only phonecall you'll be getting from me.

"I'm getting re-assigned to a different part of the project I'm working on. I won't tell you where or what…mainly cause dun dun duh! Yup, you guessed it! It's CLASSIFIED!!!"

"Bloody Airforce."

"And I'll leave this number stuffed in some wall cavity somewhere in the Pentagon where I'll never find it."

"And maybe."

"Just maybe I'll find someone who'll fix me like you used to. Someone real, someone stable.

#And that you miss me sometimes when you're alone in your room #

"But the truth is that I miss you."

"Not constantly…"

"Most of the time its just this dull ache in the bottom of my heart that I tell myself is nothing...and I can ignore it…"

"Most of the time...Which is good!"

"Because what we decided was for the best..."

"I believe that…we were right!"

"It's just..." He should have stopped her there. Walked away. Pressed stop/erase. He knew there was something he couldn't deal with coming.

#Do I feel lonely too? #

"Do you ever miss it?"

"I mean before we realised it had gone too far" snort of unamused laughter "before ol' green eyes?"

"Watching hockey games, stargazing, moaning about our families, friends, dates, jobs, school?"

"I miss being your friend, Johnathon…I wish to god we could have that back..."

#You have no right to ask me how I feel  
You have no right to speak to me so kind  
We can't go on just holding on to time  
Now that we're living separate lives #

#Well I held on to let you go #

His marriage had never been exactly perfect. If he faced the truth it had been dying long before Charlie had pulled the trigger. Charlie had just blinded them to the truth, binding them together despite their growing differences. But he'd never have admitted that to Sara or even to himself in his heart. Had Sara not left they'd still be together, he could never have left her. He promised, hadn't he? Both himself and Sam, that he'd make it work with his new family. Refusing to admit that the sacrifices he'd made hadn't been worth while.

#And if you lost your love for me, well you never let it show #

Refusing to admit what he suspected Sara had long ago come to accept: that someone else would always have come first in his life. He'd tried to convince himself that his concern for Sam had been purely paternal or at the very least fraternal. But the older Charlie got, the more Jack had realised that while there was nothing he wouldn't do, say or sacrifice for his son, it was way different from what he'd felt for her. And the guilt was almost unbearable.

#There was no way to compromise #

"And don't think that I don't know that we...can't."

"We're good at denial but not that good."

"And I know we can't go back…that this can't change anything…and it shouldn't."

#So now we're living (living)#

"We've both moved on with our lives."

"And for the sake of actually having lives we have to be apart."

"You're doing the white picket-fence bit with Sara and Charlie and that's great...you know?"

How the heck did she even know he had a kid?

"Cause one of these days I'll have that. If I can get over my fixation with the emotionally wounded - like Jonas!"

#Separate lives #

"We're not the people we knew back then"

"Truth be told we probably wouldn't want to be."

#Ooh, it's so typical, love leads to isolation #

"We live in a dangerous world…you know?"

"People in my line of work would kidnap my brother's kids if they thought it would change how I did my job. So they can't know I even have a brother…let alone that he has kids…"

# So you build that wall (build that wall) #

"I get it now. You know?"

"Why you were always so sarcastic."

"Why you kept everyone at a distance."

"Cause if you care then people can use those you care about to hurt you."

"You were right."

"People in our line of work?"

"We can't afford to let anyone get close."

# Yes, you build that wall (build that wall) #

"So I suppose I should say Thank-you for teaching me that."

"If I want to succeed I need to toe that fine line."

"If that makes me a frickin ice-queen then so be it."

"As long as I can keep the balance between being one of the boys and an ice-queen then I can deal."

#And you make it stronger #

"What is it they say?"

"What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger."

"Well I've always been a case in point of that."

"So I figure, why stop now?"

# Well you have no right to ask me how I feel #

"Duty."

"Honor."

"Loyalty."

"Respect."

"And to hell with the personal."

"We fight, we kill, we triumph, we die and we leave no man behind."

"Cause that's what we signed up for."

"We sell our souls for the chance to touch the stars."

"Cause that's who we are Jack…"

"Guess after all this time."

"We're really not so different after all."

# You have no right to speak to me so kind #

The anger rose up again within Jack like a volcano. Only this time the answer machine had beeped cutting off her voice and replacing it with an electronic one telling him that the caller had withheld their number. Grabbing the offending object he lashed out at her in the only way he could – by pulling the machine out of the wall and throwing it across the room. It shattered against the wall, throwing bits of electronics and tape around like confetti. Destroying his last link to her.

# Some day I might (I might) find myself looking in your eyes #

Standing there in the sudden silence he felt a sudden desperate urge to hear her voice again. Unsure now if he was angry that she'd called…or that she'd prevented him calling her back and taking the same release. After all he'd been desperately wishing for the chance to talk to her since the day Charlie had… Guilt and loneliness assailed him like enemy troupes. Story of his life. Everything good in his life, he destroyed. Sliding down the wall beside the wreckage of his answer-machine that seemed to symbolise his life just perfectly he could feel himself shaking uncontrollably. Pulling his legs up so he formed into a protective ball, head resting on his knees, he became aware of someone sobbing their heart out. It wasn't until he felt the dampness soak through his trousers to his knees that he realised that it was him.

# But for now, we'll go on living separate lives #

With a murmured curse in Sam's direction, Jack finally, finally let himself start to grieve. For the wreckage that was his marriage, for the death of his son that he'd never forgive himself for, for those kids on Abydos who died for their freedom, for the friendship he'd never explore with Ska'ara and Daniel and for the stolen innocence of his one time protégé. And he hated them. Hated them so much that it hurt. After all she was right wasn't she. It was easier to hate them than love them. But then he'd never been one to take the easy option. The hard road was always the one he walked, and always would be. Love and hate used to be so simple, but she'd made them complicated. She made everything so damn complicated. But even in the depths of his hatred, he hated the truth more. No matter how much he grew to hate her, he loved her more.

# Yes for now, we'll go on living separate lives #

"Sir, there's a ladder over here." The voice drifted up to Jack as he attempted to distract himself from his less than charitable thoughts about his ex-protégé by stargazing. Kinda futile gesture given how often the pair of them had gone stargazing. The ladder creaked.

"Colonel Jack O'Neill?"

Oh no. Not this again. He didn't even bother to look up when he replied. "Retired."

"I'm Major Samuels."

"Air Force?"

"Yes Sir, I'm the General's Executive Officer."

"Want a little piece of advice Major? Get re-assed to NASA. That's where all the action's gonna be. Out there." Jack looks up through the telescope at a galaxy formation wondering which of those stars Daniel's orbiting.

"I'm uh, I'm under orders to bring you to see General Hammond Sir."

"Never heard of him."

"He replaced General West. He says it's important. Has to do with the Stargate."

Jack finally looks up, interested now.

Maybe he can go visit Daniel someday and forget all about Samantha.

Living on a different planet: now there's an opportunity for a clean break with the past.

Couldn't get more separate if he tried.

# Separate lives #

Finally re-edited to sort out that tendancy of to eat the formatting.


	9. Revenge By Any Other Name

AUTHOR: Glinda 

TITLE: No, you're not are you.

CATEGORY: angsty, past story, some present day action and romance in future chapters if my dear readers want it

PAIRING: S/J – I'm a shipper so sue me! panicky please don't!

WARNING: Swearing, a little (not too much – couldn't bear to hurt my two favourites that bad! -) graphic violence

SEASON: Season 5 (I need Colonel Simmons for this one!)

SPOILERS: The Movie, Children of the Gods, Cold Lazarus, Solitudes, Secrets, Tok'ra related episodes, D&C, any with Maybourne in, Fifth Man, Desperate Measures & 48hours.

DISCLAIMER: Not mine, don't own anything. Just a poor little Uni. student trying to stay sane by letting her imagination run wild. Not making any money…just doin this for fun! Plz don't sue!

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Be gentle it's my first! If you want more let me know. Hope you like. Finally continued this one…it's moved on season wise…only because when I started writing it I'd only seen as far as mid-season 4 and by the time this part got written I'd seen up to mid-season 5. It just seemed right to move these bits (which are mostly set in the present) to a later season – Ok, so in all honesty I think Maybourne's got too much of a soft spot for Sam to do what Simmons does in this fic….I think there are lines even he won't cross. This one's quite short but it's a scene setter for later parts and they will be longer! Promise! Ooh and plus I think it can also be an answer to Challenge 1,765 on Heliopolis so I'll send it there when its complete. If you want to publish it other places just let me know and send me a link – always on the lookout for more fanfiction!

NOVEMBER – PRESENT DAY…HIGH SECURITY FACILITY: MINOT, NORTH DAKOTA

The man sitting unmoving on the floor of what was basically a holding cell within a stripped down countryside retreat looked the picture of a cowed and broken man. Except that Colonel Simons knew better. He'd read this man's file. Both the official and the unofficial stuff. He'd also found out why the man he almost shared a name with despised him so much. He observed his prisoner cautiously while thanking his luck that Maybourne's internment for treason had caused him to leave behind a piece of valuable information behind. One that he'd carefully dug up and thoroughly researched: then been too squeamish to use. He smiled briefly as he spared a thought for his former mentor. Cold, cynical, bitter, darkly humourous…yes there was much Starsky & Hutch (as Kinsey liked to call them) had in common. Along with a decided soft spot for Major Samantha Carter. Personally he disliked the woman. She'd learned far too much from her CO over the years to be easily cowed.

"So…you going to tell me why I'm here"

"You're not exactly in any position to make any demands Colonel"

"True, true…but all the same…I may not be exactly the darling of the Airforce but I do still have some rights if I'm not mistaken"

"Of course. I was just…establishing the terms of this…shall we call it a working relationship?" he leaned forward in his chair and placed his elbows his knees before resting his chin on his up-turned knuckles. The other man failed to move. "What do you want?" The voice was almost deadpan, emotionless, cold, uncaring. Simmons was un-surprised. People only went to see this man when they wanted something from him. He was no exception. "Yes, but of course, let's call it a piece of mutual co-operation shall we? I need something from you; you need something from me. For the moments our needs coincide, therefore I'm willing to make you an offer that I doubt you'll refuse"

"What do you want from me"

"Hnh. The question is not what I want from you but what you want most in the world. You see I happen to know what you want more than anything else in the world…and if you get that then I lose one major thorn in my side." The man sitting in front of him failed to react. Time thought Simmons to bring out the big guns. He placed a photograph on the floor in front of his prisoner.

"Recognise her"

"Vaguely, why"

"You should. Maybe this will help." He throws another picture down beside it. "Remember her now"

"How could I forget?" A reaction. Finally. Even if it's only a half-bitter, half-cruel smile.

"Yes, quite. How did the base Colonel put it "two Major O'Neills on the base, only thing they had in common was a mutual worshipping of the ground beneath my daughter's feet"…You were quite obsessed with her weren't you"

Fists clench and unclench for a few minutes before he speaks in a tightly controlled voice. "My Angel." A snort of bitter laughter. "Or so I thought. She was everywhere I went, her laugh, that smile, those beautiful eyes…they haunted me. But I was nothing to her. For all my brains and knowledge she wanted nothing to do with me. Barely tolerated my existence – called me "patronising"! Me! We would've been perfect…her brilliant scientific mind and mine…the moment I met her I knew we were meant to be…But no. Of all the guys she falls for the charms of its him. My almost namesake. Her thicker-than-two-short-planks, sarcastic, moronic, ex-mentor. I treat her like a Princess whenever she's on base, and she'll smile and laugh…but the minute he turns up its like I don't even exist. And then she smiles…this smile – and its like nothing else on Earth. But it's only for him. The man who killed my brother…But I had part of her he's never had"

Ah yes…that almost confession of his. Not enough to convict him on but enough of a boast so that anyone hearing it knew – even if they couldn't prove it. Revenge…people would go to extraordinary ends for it…he himself was taking an enormous gamble with his career for this piece of personal revenge. But if it worked?

Frank Simmons smiled his own smile at the sick pleasure he could look forward to from the events to come. How better to get his revenge on Colonel O'Neill for his now tattered career - then to destroy the one thing he cared about most. And in an untraceable manner...deliver that infuriatingly smug little Major her worst nightmare and watch while the paranoia set in. After all she remembered nothing from the 'incident' all those years ago. Driving a wedge between the two military members of SG-1 was far more satisfying then any other plan he had concocted over the last few months. This was where his predecessors had gone wrong: they'd tried to destroy the team directly (that little stunt with forcing Hammond to retire he thought derisively) he would simply let the team destroy itself.

Colonel Jack O'Neil was quite accurately described as a man devoid of a sense of humour: however he was not without a sense of irony. So his 'angel' was working with O'Neill was she? How better to avenge his brother than to finish what he'd started all those years ago. A novel thought occurred to him: if this Simmons character was correct and she had suffered some sort of amnesia about the events leading up to 'that night' how easy it would be to play the wronged party. Claim that O'Neill had been obsessed with her and had attempted to frame him to cover his own crime. "I presume the statewide restraining order will be removed"

"Mysteriously revoked due to a administrational accident"

"You do know that you're probably more of a monster than I am"

"Naturally, you're relying on natural instincts...I was trained to make the most of mine. All part of the service"

"How cliched! But as I recall O'Neill hates cliches...I rather think I shall enjoy this"

"Of course if you're caught then I'll..."

"Yeah, yeah, I know you'll deny everything...whatever...just tell me how to find her"

"Colorado Springs, Cheyenne Mountain Complex...you'll be fully briefed."

"You've had this planned for awhile haven't you?"

Simmons nodded. "True I had this held in reserve just in case the situation arose where...shall we say...'official' channels ceased to provide satisfactory results"

"You do realise that this is not a quick fix deal don't you? This sort of thing takes time and planning"

"I'm sure you'll give it the due care and attention required. Make no mistake I want them to suffer. I can be patient…as long as the show is worth the overture"

"Oh it will be. Be sure of that"  
Yes…thought Jack O'Neil, I shall enjoy this immensely.

Inspired somewhat by Maybourne's comment to Jack during Desperate Measures. And the blatant animosity between Sam and Simmons during 48hours.

_Maybourne: "You know how the game's played Jack. And the sort of people who play it."_

_McKay: "For the record I'm on the Airforce payroll…I don't work for Colonel Simmons"  
Carter: "So"  
McKay: "So…I just sensed a little tension there."_


End file.
